Parenting Wisdom and Success Stories:

"Your website does make me feel I can do better, maybe even stop yelling if I can just get enough sleep. But here is my question. Does it really work? I love my kids, but staying patient when they act up is hard. That's not how I was raised. Maybe I can stay calm during a tantrum, but I'm no saint. If I do all this, will my kids really act nicer and listen better? Or will they just take advantage of me being nice, and act even worse? No offense, but it's easy to give advice. Mostly on your website people ask for advice and you give it but we don't hear whether it works. It would make my day if there are parents who try to do all this and it actually works." 
-Lindsey

Lindsey is right. Giving advice is easy.

Staying patient when our kids act up is hard. Empathizing with our child when we just want him to cooperate is hard. Breathing our way through a meltdown is hard. Managing our own emotions is really, really hard. And yes, it is so much harder if we're sleep deprived, as parents so often are.

But when we do the hard work--to stay patient, to see it from our child's point of view, to stay playful--we change. 

And our child changes. And I know from personal and professional experience that we don't have to be saints. There's no way to be a perfect parent, and lots of ways to be a good one. We just have to try, and our intention makes a huge difference. Sometimes we have the internal fortitude to stay calm during a tantrum, which models emotional regulation for our child. Sometimes the best we can do is make amends, reconnect, and try again tomorrow. The miracle is, that's enough. Love actually works.

So will you help me make Lindsey's day? Will you write to me and tell me if doing this hard work has made a difference with your child?

It might be a recent incident in which you were able to stop your own meltdown and reconnect with your child. Or you got your child back on track by seeing things from his perspective. Maybe you allow feelings at your house now, and you noticed yesterday that your child is less rebellious. Or you saw your older child be empathic to your younger one. Or maybe you're better at taking care of yourself now, and you're enjoying parenting more. Maybe you're even like the mom I heard from at Thanksgiving, whose five year old said she was thankful for a mom who doesn't yell any more.

Whatever your story, large or small, it's a testament to your hard work. Please share it, the more specific the better. I'll post it here, as a gift to Lindsey and all the other parents who just need to know that all this hard work is worth it.

Dr. Laura.....Thank you for putting this together - I am really looking forward to reading other parents responses to this! For me, this type of parenting is a daily journey and a daily choice. I feel that every morning I have to make a commitment not to yell, to stay calm, to chose love. And there is something very empowering about that. I've learned that when I apologize to my kids when I make mistakes and slip - I see that when they accept my apology, they feel empowerment and generosity of spirit. I see that this influences their behavior with each other - there are more kind words and gestures, more "I'm sorry" and more "Don't worry, I know it wasn't your fault" that they extend to each other, than before. There are days when things are a big struggle, but I really feel that something is changing deep within our hearts AND I feel us grow closer together when we chose love, and when in the middle of a tantrum I hug my child and genuinely tell him that I hear his pain and that I'll help him work through it. So I think the biggest thing is - more feeling of connection that I feel with my children and that I see them exhibit towards each other.

What Parents Have to Say

Dear Dr. Laura,
I have always tried to stay on the path of non-coercive parenting and striven to inspire cooperation rather than forcing it. The biggest challenge to my patience has always been when my three year old daughter seems to be willfully refusing to cooperate. I understand that this is her way of experimenting with her own independence, but I still had such a hard time not getting angry, especially when there was someplace we had to be and she would just not do anything to help get us out the door. Inspired by something in your newsletter or website - I don't even remember what it was - I decided to do an experiment. When she became defiant I simply went over to her and gave her a big hug and told her how much I love her, then repeated the request in a soft voice (repeat as needed). My idea was that this would

1) remind me not to be angry and

2) remind her of our connection and that she really did want to be helpful and not hurtful.

The effect that doing this had on my blood pressure was impressive, but the effect it had on her behavior was beyond belief. She went from defiant to eager to please in a single hug. This is just the most striking example of how applying the advice you give has strengthened our bond and smoothed our family life. I could give many more, but I hope this is enough to help make Lindsey's day. This is also very opposite to the way I was raised and it is so powerful! Thanks for all of the inspiration!

My transformation into being a parent has been very challenging. As they say, "I thought I was the greatest parent, then I had kids." I saw parts of me come up I never knew existed, mainly things that were taught to me by my father. I would take other peoples advice and it often didn't work and contradicted what I was feeling in my heart. My husband helped me to realize how my negativity was actually fueling my daughter's, like she was mirroring me. I would some times "lose it" and go off on her always feeling terrible later, but still angry and wanting her to "get it". Well, one day, I just lost it and got angry, yelling at her. I knew I was the one feeling bad inside, I didn't have a good day. So instead of going off and apologizing to her and feeling like poo. I went outside and breathed. I decided to be humble with myself and even started to cry. I had to forgive myself and know I was just doing the best I could. Do you know that my daughter, who was 4, came outside to see me and said with a hopeful smile, "are you feeling better?" I smiled and picked her up and gave her a hug. She knew what I needed. I can always help her so much better and our relationship is so much better when I have taken care of myself, spiritually, mentally and physically. It's a tough job being a parent. And I'm so grateful that our children really are forgiving to us when they see that we really are trying to be better for them and us.

"My boy is a wonder........yes of course, I am biased! And still it's not just me honest! I have virtual strangers complementing me on the spark he shares.....often! Of course some times he is cranky, distracted, ignorant, selfish, greedy, insensitive......and he is mostly present because he doesn't live in a fear state but in a love state. We've had some tough times.....I can be all of the above!!!...... I see the fluctuations.....but that's my basis for parenting these days. If I parent from love he has faith there is love in the world and inspires that love in those he meets and that reinforces his positive behaviour....for all of us have our 'imperfections' but what we focus our attention on and feed is what we experience so I know which way I want to face and which behaviour to feed....keep up the good work...be authentic.....love opens up more possibilities than fear I promise xxxx"

Yes, it is hard. Yes, it works. No, you can't be perfect and trying to be will surely be your downfall... I have very strong-willed four-year-old and since discovering Aha! parenting, I see differences in his ability to self-regulate and I feel like a kinder and more competent parent. I also worried that this approach might spoil my kids or cause more misbehavior, but it helps them to want to and to try to be better (notice the word here is better, not perfect)...

A specific example: My four-year-old son sometimes bursts into tears (with yelling) over seemingly ridiculous things. Last weekend, my son started crying and screaming at me over something I can't even remember now. I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to make him be respectful towards me and to basically tell him to get over it (my past usual reaction). I brought him to his room and held him on my lap and let him cry. I told him I understood why he wanted to do that and that it was hard not to be allowed to do things you want to do when you want to do them and that I bet he would do that all day long when he got bigger. He cried for maybe one minute, got up and said, "Okay, I'm done. Let's go to the park!"

In the past, these incidents would turn into major battles and end in my feeling exhausted and like a horrible parent because I didn't have the patience I needed. Sometimes, I still run out of patience and have to apologize. My son now apologizes to me too when he runs out of patience and explains to me that he was just frustrated but didn't mean it......

My eighteen-month old: Being my second child, he has the benefit of parents who have learned a bit from past mistakes. He does not have as many tantrums as my older son had at his age because I am more willing to let him explore his environment and don't have unrealistic expectations of how obedient he should be. He loves to play with water, so I let him stand on his little stool and splash around in the sink. If he gets too carried away, I redirect him. He accepts this redirection with less fuss because he is given more freedom to act like a toddler. My older son resisted me tremendously at that age because I put too many restrictions on the age-appropriate behaviors he exhibited!

I would say it definitely works...I would just share a recent incident(though there are quite a few more). It was my daughters 4th birthday and she had a school holiday. My elder son (6 yrs) had school. Everyone was calling up to wish my daughter well...I was busy with my son to send him to school. He generally never is fussy about geting ready for school...bit that day he was not eating his breakfast or taking a bath but was justwasting his time...I got irritated but then something within told me he must be feeling jealous. So i gave him a hug and asked if was feeling so he replied yes....then just for 5 minutes i took him in arms and told him that even i am feeling so...but its ok....that everyone has his own special day...and whether you believe it or not he was feeling better and went to school on time.... I was really happy that i could read his emotions and that i behaved in a proper manner. Thanks to you!

I have seen amazing improvement in my *very* angry 17 year-old son after acknowledging that there was a reason he was so angry and acting out. We have had several heartfelt conversations and I have seen a real change in how he treats his younger brother, and how he treats me.

What I have noticed by practicing Dr. Laura's advice on empathizing with your child, is that it does dissipate the conflict. I am not always good at it....and at times catch myself retaliating in the temper tantrum ....but then I catch myself...and try to remember what it must be like for these little guys. I try REALLY hard to put myself in their shoes. It's tough, but when I do stop myself, take a deep breath and switch gears to a more empathetic self....a lot changes....not in seconds, but usually within 10 mins or so. Its tough b/c I have three little ones, so to get time to focus on one and sit down alone with him and work it out, well it can be a juggling act. My husband uses humor with the kids when things turn south. It ALWAYS works. I am not as good with using humor when I'm frustrated, but definitely using empathy works for me.

And when giving a time-out (so to speak), I now always go on the "time out" with him. If he is violent, I keep my distance, by closing the gate or door if needed...but I always keep the connection (as Laura suggested). This has made a huge difference. To let him know his feelings are ok and that I am right there with him as he is raging has made a world of difference.

My husband & I talk about how hard raising kids are almost daily. But I do agree with Laura, its better to lay the ground work down now, when they are young. To keep that bond an connection with your child. Because if you do not, you can not get it back. Its like creating a brick wall. With each disconnect experience they feel from you, another brick is getting placed on the wall. As the child gets older, it will be too hard for them to really feel close to the parent on a deeper level because their trust has been broken. I have first hand experience with this. My parents, who practiced the old fashion methods of discipline, & I are not very close. I pray, I do not repeat this cycle and am trying hard to practice Dr. Laura parenting style. So far I see it is working!

Your advice has definitely changed my life! For starters, keeping my cup full (and being aware of the reasons for doing so) has helped enormously. Using humor and play to diffuse situations almost always works. The tantrums are easier to get through. Two things you said that have stuck with me:

1) Remember the innocence

2) Every difficult moment between child/parent is an opportunity to connect...

These two things have been huge for me!!!!!! I'm not always "perfect" but I'm sooo much better! And my two-year-old daughter has started volunteering apologies after the tantrum has cooled and she's had a chance to process everything. Finally, your advice about slowing down the pace, and being more flexible with as much as possible has really helped me with my own expectations. Thank you, Dr. Markham. You help me create small miracles every day. You have changed our lives for good!

Thank you so much for everything you do.

After several rough days in a row with my toddler, I felt like I might explode. She was being so defiant, whining, destroying everything in her path like a wild, angry tornado. I kept admonishing her, telling her to settle down, disciplining her. I never stopped to ask myself what *her* perspective was, or if I was doing something to add to her frustration.

After two days, I spent a few hours reading Aha! Parenting after I put my daughter down to bed.
The next morning, frustrated again, she smacked me. A little part of me died. But instead of getting angry, I remembered what I'd read the night before. I told her it was okay for her to be mad at me, but that we never, ever hit. It's not allowed. I said it seemed like she'd had a rough couple of days. With her very limited language, she simply said, "Yeah."

I told her that I'd been very distracted and busy and that we hadn't had any fun for a few days.
"Yeah," she said.

Then I asked her if she'd like to have a start-over hug. She threw her arms around me and held on boa constrictor-tight for about five minutes. When she finally pulled away from me, she had the brightest, biggest smile. I dropped all my work (no task will ever be as important as giving this baby of mine every opportunity to thrive) and we just played. And played. And we are still playing.

IT DOES WORK!!!! even though I don't end up following through ALL the way, I believe it helps. Kids mirror our behavior. If we yell, they yell. If we hit, they hit. Often, when my kids are nasty to each other, I'll say: why are you doing this. You know what they say? "because you do it mommy". That really hurts, because it's true. So the advice does work, even if you don't manage to follow through all the way, whatever you can implement is good.

Yes. It works. It's not an overnight cure, but it works....My mother was a yeller, and as hard as I tried, I couldn't stop yelling. ...I have been practicing approaching my children in this new way, and although some days I get it right, other days - especially if I'm tired - I just lose it. ...So you're absolutely right! Getting sleep is important. For me, it usually means letting go of "time alone" in the evening, and going to bed when the kids go to bed. But it's soooo worth it! 

In the morning I'm rested, and when the moment comes that I feel overwhelmed by my own emotional response to their behaviors—I can pause. In that pause, all the things I've been practicing on the kids come to mind. Only this time, I'm using them on myself. ...I respond empathetically to myself first. And that empathy, connection, and soft response flows then on down to the kids.

One of my biggest triggers has been when I'm trying to make food for them, and they come at me, one after another, demanding, crying, whining. I KNOW they're just hungry. I KNOW they really want my attention, and I don't have any more hands. And they. are. so. persistent. And loud.

Any all my calmness usually goes right out the window I'm staring out. But the last couple of times, I've been able to take a deep breath, and start with repeating their request back to them, "oh, you really want to paint right now. That sounds like fun." And in the time it takes them to describe respond, I breathe, and look for the "YES." Or try asking them to help me get ingredients, or stir (even if it doesn't need stirring). Instead of yelling, I am finding a way to meet their need to connect, to be close. (silent cheering for myself!!) And my kids are so enjoyable at the dinner table! They help clear off the table, put food out, and are excited to sit down together. What a difference!

So absolutely try this!! Learning how to respond to needs without yelling will have rewards beyond the joy, peace & warmth you will feel toward your kids (and they for you). These tools have improved every relationship I have - including with myself.

Your site works for me. It's awesome!

My son said to me one day "pinky swear you won't yell anymore?" That broke my heart and made me realize that yelling only hurts everyone. Doesn't mean I am perfect, but it was a good reminder!

I began using Aha! parenting suggestions around the time my daughter was nearly two years old. This was shortly after an incident where I had flipped out on her after *trying* to listen to her tantrum, and then getting so roiled up inside that I ended up screaming at her, shaking her roughly by the shoulders, and slamming the door to her bedroom as I abandoned her. It's hard to forget that horrified, terrified look on a little person's face! Poor dear. I realize now that I needed to take better care of myself, create some good boundaries, and do some "heart" work to fix some of the parenting ideas I'd been given by my parents. Mind you, my parents were good parents, but they were the type to spank me, then yell at me to "stop crying or they'd give me something to cry about."

It took a lot of faith that what Dr Laura said would work, and so much of it went against conventional wisdom that I was afraid to be the laughing stock of my circle of friends. But having nothing else in my parenting bag to try, I went for it. It was pretty hard for the first month or two - hard mentally. I had to stop my reactions, first of all, which was the most difficult thing. Once I could slow my reactions down and see what I was doing, see how it affected my daughter, and realize my own personal pain that I was projecting onto her, it rapidly became easier. Each time I reminded myself that a tantrum was no emergency, that her feelings wouldn't hurt me, and that I could just stay separate but supportive during her outbursts, it was confidence building. The tantrums grew shorter - but I cannot lie and tell you that it wasn't painful to hear some seemingly UNENDING tantrums at first. But then, when the tantrum was done - it was DONE! No lingering whining, no continued begging for this or that, no hitting or kicking. It's like the whole issue just disappeared. *poof!* The magic really happens when I see how easily my little girl lets go of all the awful, even hurtful mistakes I make, and now that she's old enough, she will openly tell me what she is feeling. All I have to do is wait it out, let her have her feelings, and let her know that I'm on her side - even if I can't give her all she wants. My daughter just turned three, and I tell you that now I am NOT AFRAID of tantrums anymore because they don't have the power to make me want to fight or run from my daughter, and I don't feel out of control even when I am tired, because I know what to do, how to love her the best I can, and that it works!

Lindsey, if you're doubting -- all I can say is...the proof is in the pudding. It really, really works. Try for one day, then just one more day. It takes commitment to spend time with your child at inconvenient moments, and to see your own needs more clearly. Once you become fully aware of your own needs, it makes it much much easier to meet others'. Blessings! Praying for ya!

From:  http://www.ahaparenting.com/best-parent-advice-solutions

Preschoolers are famous for asking questions, from the incessant "WHY?"...

Preschoolers (age 3-5 years)

Not a baby anymore, not even a toddler, your little one is a Preschooler -- what is often called the Wonder Years.  And wondrous they are, as your little one gains the ability to manage herself and control her emotions -- most of the time!

Want cooperation?  Connect with her, and make your routines fun.

Want a preschooler who goes to bed easily and doesn't have potty accidents? Make sure you meet his needs for security. 

Want a kid who talks instead of hitting or tantrumming?  Develop his emotional intelligence by empathizing and talking about feelings.  

Here's your game plan for bringing out the best in your preschooler.

Game Plan for Positive Parenting Your Preschooler:

Ages three to five have been called The Wonder Years, and wondrous they are, ping-ponging from whining and tantrums to politeness to cuddling to exuberance to exploding intellect.

Preschoolers are explorers, scientists, artists. They're learning how to be friends, how to engage with the world, how to control their bodies, emotions and minds. With a little help from you, these years will build a fertile foundation for your son or daughter's entire childhood.

What Your Preschooler Needs to Thrive:

1. Structure.

Regular routines help kids feel safe, and are vital for preschoolers, who grapple with big fears on a daily basis. The world is chaotic and scary to them; their household should be predictable. A calm, orderly and fun atmosphere, with regular meal and bedtime routines, will produce happier children who have the internal resources to meet daily developmental challenges.

2. Enough sleep.

Preschoolers may resist bedtime, but without sufficient sleep, three to five year olds simply do not have the resourcefulness to cope with the demands of their day. Develop a regular routine that helps her wind down and start relaxing well before bedtime. When he gives up his nap, be sure he still gets some downtime to rest every day.

3. Control over her own food intake.

You decide what food is accessible in your house, but your child needs the responsibility to decide how much she eats. Remember that children need frequent small meals, and if you don’t provide that, they’ll end up snacking all day. If you always provide a variety of healthy food, you can feel comfortable letting them choose which foods they eat and how much.

Worried about a picky eater? Serve a variety of healthy foods and avoid power struggles; your child will eventually enlarge her choices as her taste buds mature. As long as sweets aren't available (except as rare -- not daily -- treats), preschoolers will naturally choose healthy foods that meet their physical needs, over a period of time. Never set up a clean plate as the goal; instead, when they say they're done, ask them how their body feels. (Obesity starts in preschool!) If you're bothered by throwing the food away, ask yourself why not wasting food is more important than your child's future physical health and body image?

4. Help with Emotions.

While your child may no longer have frequent melt-downs, he still has big feelings, and he still needs you to "listen" to those feelings on a regular basis. All kids need daily laughter to vent the anxieties that inevitably build up in a small person grappling to manage herself in a big, often overwhelming world, so be sure to build daily roughhousing into your schedule. And you can expect your preschooler to sometimes express his needs as an attack, meaning that a child who is hurting may well yell "I hate you; I want a new Mom!" 

Don't take it personally. Instead, empathize even while you set limits. "You must be so upset to speak to me that way...I guess you're very disappointed...You really wanted to, and I said No....I'm sorry this is so hard, Sweetie."

5. Empathic limits.

If you want well-behaved kids, resist any impulse to punish. Kids this age need guidance and limits, because they are actively learning the rules and how the world works, and naturally they will test to see just where those limits are. Remember, though, that their brains are still developing. They get flooded with emotion very easily. When you set limits, they get upset, partly because they want what they want, but partly because they worry about your disapproval. It helps them to calm themselves if you empathize with their disappointment or anger. Doing this now will help them learn to control their own emotions over time, and to maintain their equilibrium in the face of upsets as they get older. Research shows that when young children are punished, their behavior actually worsens. (For more on why, see Why Positive Parenting ».) Instead, set limits and empathize with feelings to help your child WANT to behave. This helps him develop self-discipline, rather than relying on you to regulate him.

6. Interaction time with parents.

Your preschooler's brain is experiencing rapid growth and consolidation, both in learning facts and in learning emotional self-regulation. Lots of intimate time with physically and emotionally affectionate parents is critical for your preschooler's emotional -- and even brain -- development. This means what psychologists call "Floor Time," which is getting down on his level to work together building that train track or tower. The point isn't the intellectual work of the building, but the emotional connection you make over it -- and the nurturing support you offer when the project inevitably runs into snags. Daily, unstructured "Special Time" with your child during which you let your child take the lead will build your relationship. If you can't bear one more game of superhero or dollhouse, offer your child "Cozy Time" instead. Just snuggle up on the couch with a pile of books for a lazy half hour, and make sure you take plenty of time out to talk about what you're reading, or about her day. Here's a whole page of Games to build closeness & emotional intelligence! »

7. To be Heard.

Preschoolers are famous for asking questions, from the incessant "WHY?" to badgering parents to change their minds about a limit. This can drive a parent crazy, unless you look under the surface at the reason for the question. Your child wants more than information; he wants to feel heard, to be acknowledged, to tell you what he thinks, to weave together his world view with your help, and to have you respond to the turbulent emotions that often threaten to overwhelm his emerging intellectual control. When your child pesters you with WHY? questions and doesn't seem satisfied with your answers so she keeps on asking, turn it around and ask her the question.

8. Help in learning to express herself without whining.

Whining can drive even the most patient parent crazy. But whining is a signal that your child needs help, either in processing emotions that are weighing on her, or in meeting other needs. She's not just trying to get her way; she's expressing the need all preschoolers have to begin to master their environment by asserting some control. Luckily, there are some secrets to stop your child from Whining.

9. School.

Children three and older usually thrive at school, and for most of them, it is preferable to a full day at home with a parent or caregiver. But we need to remember that kids under the age of five have to work very hard to hold it together in a group setting. Their cortisol levels -- that's the stress hormone -- become elevated when they stay at school in the afternoon, compared to children who go home after lunch, indicating that they're under stress. In high quality settings, where the caretakers are stable and the child feels connected, this is less pronounced. But if a child is experiencing elevated cortisol levels on a regular basis, that's associated with less effective immune response, sleep issues, crankiness, and other risk factors. That's why many three and even four year olds do better with a nap and the afternoon at home after school. And no child under the age of seven is ready to be in an institution until 6pm daily. If your child isn't thriving with full-day school, the cost of a babysitter to be with your child at home half days after school will more than pay off in a calmer, happier, more cooperative child.

10. Social Time.

Preschoolers are biologically designed to look up to older kids. In the tribal cultures natural to humans, young children who are old enough to leave the parent tag along with the big kids and learn social skills. Since our children are usually in groups of same-age peers, they often need adult help and modeling to learn to "take turns" or refrain from bossiness. Four year olds are experimenting with appropriate use of power, so they're famous for bossiness and even bullying. Don't feel bad about stepping in at the playground to model appropriate social behavior. How else are they supposed to learn? 
For help with social skills » 
For help with bossiness » 
For help when your child is starting to bully » 
To empower your child against bullying »

11. Downtime.

Everything is stimulating to your preschooler, from seeing the dump truck on the street to the candy in the grocery store. While playdates and field trips stimulate his emotional and intellectual development, he needs substantial unstructured time at home to simply play and regroup in the safety of his cozy home base, where he can let his hair down and take a deep breath in a quiet place.

Parents of preschoolers in our culture face a big challenge. Most three, four and five year olds don't have lots of siblings or cousins readily accessible to play with, and they can't read yet. Parents have other things to do. How to keep kids constructively occupied?

Many parents solve this by letting their kids spend many of their awake hours watching TV or playing computer or video games. Because preschoolers' brains are still in a critical developmental phase, engaging with screens changes the way their brains develop, literally shortening their attention spans for life. Screens are also so easy to use that kids who come to depend on them for fun are less likely to become motivated readers. What's more, creating this habit early in life deprives children of the essential skill of structuring their own time. But there are alternatives to screen time for your kids, and the good news is that once kids get used to structuring their own time, they'll be much less interested in screens.

Efektet e dhunës mediatike tek fëmijët...

Efektet e dhunës mediatike tek fëmijët: 

Sipas Karaj televizioni mund të ndikojë negativisht mbi parashkollorët pasi I largon nga librat dhe I bën pasiv.Gjithashtu televizioni përmes efektit mashtrues I mëson fëmijët se problemet mund të zgjidhen shumë lehtë dhe se çdo gjë ka fund të bukur .Televizioni indukton gjithashtu sjellje agresive .
Efektet e dhunës mediatike dhe shfaqja e sjelljeve agresive shihen të lidhura me moshën parashkollore (3-5 vjeç). Karen Debord shpjegon karakteristikat zhvillimore tipike për një fëmijë të moshës parashkollore .Kështu fëmijët parashkollorë :

• Janë të përqëndruar te vetja dhe ende nuk I kanë të zhvilluara të gjitha lidhjet trunore të domosdoshme për të kuptuar pikëpamjet e tjetrit .
• Shohin gjithçka ose asgjë.Ata nuk arrijnë të kuptojnë se askush nuk është plotësisht I mirë ose I keq.
• E kanë të vështirë të mendojnë për të ardhmen ose të ndërtojnë plane.
• Kanë nevojë për udhëzime konkrete si figura për të kujtuar se çfarë do të bëjnë ose si do të veprojnë .
• Fëmijët e vegjël nuk mund ta dallojnë realitetin nga fantazia dhe konfuzohen në lidhje me atë që mund të jetë reale në televizor.

Fëmijët e moshave të ndryshme shohin dhe kuptojnë televizionin në mënyra të ndryshme ,të ndikuar nga aftësia e tyre përqëndruese ,mënyrat se si e proçesojnë informacionin ,kapacitetin mendor të investuar në proçesim dhe eksperiencën e tyre jëtësore . Të gjithë këta faktorë duhen ekzaminuar për të kuptuar se sa preken ata nga dhuna televizive .
Në moshën parashkollore (3-5 vjeç) ,fëmijët fillojnë të shohin televizion me një përpjekje për “eksplorim”.Ata aktivisht kërkojnë të kuptojnë kontekstin ,por janë ende të tërhequr në mënyrë të veçantë ndaj proçesit të dhënies jetë të tipareve si:lëvizja e shpejtë e personazheve ,ndryshimet e shpejta të skenës dhe sinjalet ose pamjet e papritura ose intensive .
Për arsye se dhuna televizive shoqërohet me një prodhim të gjallë të tipareve , parashkollorët janë të predispozuar për të kërkuar dhe I kushtojnë vemendje dhunës veçanërisht asaj nëpër kartona .Nuk është dhuna në vetvete që I bën kartonat tërheqës por shoqërimi me vënie në skenë.Kjo preferencë për kartonat bën që parashkollorët të ekspozohen ndaj një numri të madh aktesh dhune gjatë ditës .Për më tepër ata nuk janë të aftë ta vendosin dhunën në kontekst duke qenë se ata kanë gjasa të mos bëjnë një dallim të hollësishëm për të zbutur informacionin duke u përqëndruar te motivimi dhe pasojat .
Parashkollorët sillen më agresivisht se zakonisht në lojërat e tyre pasi kanë parë ndonjë përmbajtje televizive eksituese me nivel të lartë aksioni ,por në mënyrë të veçantë pasi kanë parë dhunë në televizion .
Padyshim që është e vërtëtë se dhuna televizive nuk mund të përllogarisë të gjitha shkaqet e dhunës tek fëmijët dhe është gjithashtu e vërtetë se disa fëmijë janë më të prirur të ndikohen nga dhuna televizive se të tjerët dhe janë pikërisht këta fëmijë që mund të jenë potencialisht më agresiv .Por ,efekti I dhunës televizive tek këta fëmijë “të rrezikuar” i nxit ata për t’u bërë më agresiv sesa ç’mund të bëheshin ndryshe.Megjithatë një grup I rrezikuar mund të jetë një pjesë e vogël e shikuesve krahasuar me numrin e madh të agresorëve . Ky fakt I bën ata dhe përmbajtjen e dhunës televizive të vlefshme për vëmendjen e psikologëve .

Në një prizëm psikologjik për vetë veçoritë e psikologjisë së tij ,fëmija e ca më shumë paraadoleshenti kërkon të identifikohet ,të ndjekë shembullin e dikujt ,të provojë qoftë edhe të eksperimentojë .Kur kjo shfaqet në ekranet e kinemasë apo të televizionit (qoftë dhunë ,seks ,krim ,agresion, etj.) nuk ka dallim nga një film normal në aspektin e kohës kur shfaqet (filmat I sheh në drekë ose në darkë ,në orët jo fort të vona )të ndalimit nga të rriturit për ta parë . Madje nganjëherë të rriturit shfaqin interes edhe më të madh për atë lloj filmi ;atëherë përse për fëmijën të mos bëhet objekt admirimi ,imitimi ,madje dhe mishërimi në vëtëvete të asaj që sheh. (Pango,2002:40)

Përgatiti : Msc.Brikena Mustafa .

Asperger syndrome:

Asperger syndrome, also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, or just AS, is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD) that is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills.

It is considered to be part of the autistic spectrum and is differentiated from other PDDs and from high functioning autism in that early development is normal and there is no language delay.

It is possible for people with AS to have learning disabilities concurrently with Asperger syndrome.

In these cases, differential diagnosis is essential to identify subsequent support requirements.

Conversely, IQ tests may show normal or superior intelligence, and standard language development compared with classical autism.

AS is often not identified in early childhood, and many individuals do not receive diagnosis until after puberty or when they are adults.

Assistance for core symptoms of AS consists of therapies that apply behavior management strategies and address poor communication skills, obsessive or repetitive routines, and physical clumsiness.

From: https://www.sciencedaily.com/terms/asperger_syndrome.htm

Autism and friendship: It's different for girls.Autistic girls are more socially motivated and have more intimate friendships than autistic boys, but are not as good as girls without autism at recognising conflict in

Autism and friendship: It's different for girls

Autistic girls are more socially motivated and have more intimate friendships than autistic boys, but are not as good as girls without autism at recognising conflict in those friendships.

That is the finding of research being presented January 6, 2016, at the annual conference of the British Psychological Society's Division of Educational and Child Psychology by Felicity Sedgewick, Vivian Hill and Professor Liz Pellicano from the Centre for Research in Autism and Education at the UCL Institute of Education, University College London.

Felicity Sedgewick analysed the responses of 46 young people aged between 12 and 16 years and of similar intellectual ability -- 13 autistic girls, 13 non-autistic girls, 10 autistic boys and 10 non-autistic boys -- on a number of psychological measures.

The results showed that autistic and non-autistic girls had similar scores for social motivation and friendship quality, although autistic girls reported significantly less conflict in their best friendships. Autistic boys were less socially motivated, with qualitatively different friendships that were less secure, helpful or close than non-autistic boys.

Interviews with the participants backed up these findings with one exception: autistic girls reported higher levels of relational aggression.

Felicity Sedgewick said:

"Autism is seen as being much more common in boys because more boys than girls are diagnosed as being on the spectrum. This may be because diagnostic tools and criteria have been developed with boys and so are more biased towards identifying a 'male presentation' of autism.

"So it is important to look at possible differences between autistic girls and boys to understand differences in the presentation of autistic features, which in the long run should help us better able to identify autism in girls.

"Social relationships are likely to be a key area where these gender differences occur, as we know that there are marked differences between typical boys and girls.

"One of the most striking findings of our study was that that the friendships of autistic girls were more like those of non-autistic girls than they were like the friendships of autistic boys.

"There was one point on which the two groups of girls differed, however, and that was with regards to their perception of conflict, with autistic girls often failing to recognise this conflict within their friendships.

"Our findings show that the problems dealing with social relationships are more subtle in autistic girls than they are in autistic boys, which might contribute to the difficulties detecting autism in girls. Dealing with conflict with friends and significant others could be an important area to target when supporting girls and young women on the spectrum."

From: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/01/160105223948.htm

Genomic region associated with autism plays role in specific cognitive functions:

A new study in Biological Psychiatry reports that variations in 16p11.2, a region of the genome associated with risk of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), have distinct effects on cognition. The findings highlight the diversity of people with ASD.

Extra or missing copies of genetic material in a small region of the genome in chromosome 16, designated 16p11.2, increases the risk of autism spectrum disorders. Known as duplications or deletions, these alterations in the 16p11.2 genomic region are also associated with intellectual disability.

In the first study to look at the effect of both duplications and deletions in 16p11.2 on specific cognitive domains, senior author Dr. Sébastien Jacquemont, from the University of Montreal in Canada, and a large research team assessed the effects of these variations in 62 deletion carriers, 44 duplication carriers, and 71 controls from within the same families. According to Jacquemont, determining the effect of these alterations can only be performed through family studies. The researchers used neuropsychological tests to assess overall cognitive functioning, fine motor skills, language, memory, and executive functions.

After accounting for the lower IQ associated with 16p11.2 variations, differences in specific cognitive domains emerged. Deletion carriers had difficulty with phonology, reading fluency, fine motor skills, and verbal and motor inhibition. Duplication carriers outperformed controls with the same IQ on tasks of verbal memory, executive functions, and phonological skills. The authors suggest this is reminiscent of the complex and conflicting association between language impairment and autism.

"These data suggest that copy number variants may generally increase risk for intellectual disability and autism, but that the particular nature of the genetic alteration may have specific functional consequences for brain and behavior," said Dr. John Krystal, Editor of Biological Psychiatry.

"Genomic variants associated with ASD may be associated with very different cognitive alterations and profiles," said Jacquemont, "and we may learn something on the developmental mechanisms involved in ASD by focusing on the cognitive comorbidities." He added that generating similar data across other regions of the genome will be essential to understand the impact of different variants on development.

The findings of the study may help better inform the type of intervention that patients will benefit from most; the authors write that the use of visuospatial processes when learning may help patients who carry a deletion, whereas verbal methods may improve learning strategies in patients who carry a duplication.

From: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/07/160718093413.htm

Adolescent exposure to drugs, alcohol fuels use in adulthood:

Teenagers who have easy access to drugs and alcohol in the home are more likely to drink and do drugs in their early and late 20s. That's according to the one of the first studies to look at how adolescent exposure to illegal substances affects patterns of abuse in adulthood.

The national study, by Michigan State University's Cliff Broman, also indicates that the effects were more significant among white people and males.

"While there have been many studies linking alcohol and drug use by parents to substance use among youths, there is limited research on how the availability of alcohol and drugs in the home may influence patterns of use among offspring in the future," said Broman, professor of sociology.

"These findings provide evidence that the availability of illegal drugs and alcohol in the home while growing up is a critical factor in the later use of substances."

Broman analyzed data from some 15,000 participants in the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health over the course of three waves -- when the survey participants were, on average, 16, 22 and 29 years old.

Generally, participants who had illegal drugs and alcohol easily available to them during adolescence started using drugs and alcohol at an earlier age, and used drugs and alcohol more at each of the latter two waves (when the average ages were 22 and 29).

Male participants, who had alcohol and illegal drugs more available to them in the home during adolescence than female participants, subsequently drank and did drugs more in adulthood than did females.

From a racial/ethnic perspective, whites were significantly more likely to use drugs and alcohol in adulthood than blacks, Hispanic and Asian participants. This was despite the fact that Hispanic and Asian participants generally had drugs and alcohol more easily available to them in the home during adolescence.

From: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/07/160729110923.htm

Hearing test may identify autism risk:

Researchers have identified an inner ear deficiency in children with Autism that may impact their ability to recognize speech. The findings, which were published in the journalAutism Research, could ultimately be used as a way to identify children at risk for the disorder at an early age.

"This study identifies a simple, safe, and non-invasive method to screen young children for hearing deficits that are associated with Autism," said Anne Luebke, Ph.D., an associate professor in the University of Rochester Medical Center Departments of Biomedical Engineering and Neuroscience and a co-author of the study. "This technique may provide clinicians a new window into the disorder and enable us to intervene earlier and help achieve optimal outcomes."

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by impairments in social-communication skills and restricted and repetitive behaviors. While many signs of ASD are present before age two, the majority of children with ASD are not diagnosed until after age four, which means that corrective therapies are started later, delaying their potential impact.

One of the challenges to early detection of ASD is to find ways to identify children at risk for the disorder sooner and in children with speech delays. Some of the earliest and consistent signs of ASD involve auditory communication, however, most tests rely on speech, and are often ineffective in children who are very young or who have communication delays.

In the new study, researchers used a technique that measures what are called otoacoustic emissions. The test is akin to the screening that many newborns must undergo before leaving the hospital to check for hearing problems. Using miniature speaker/microphone earplugs, the researchers were able to measure hearing deficiencies by listening for signs that the ear is having difficulty processing sounds. Specifically, the device's highly sensitive microphone can detect minute sound emission made by inner ear outer hair cells in response to certain tones or clicking sounds. If these cells are not functioning properly, the device fails to detect an emission which indicates that inner ear -- or cochlear -- function is impaired.

The researchers tested the hearing of children between the ages of 6 and 17, roughly half of whom have been diagnosed with ASD. They found that the children with ASD had hearing difficultly in a specific frequency (1-2 kHz) that is important for processing speech. They also found a correlation between the degree of cochlear impairment and the severity of ASD symptoms.

"Auditory impairment has long been associated with developmental delay and other problems, such as language deficits," said Loisa Bennetto, Ph.D., an associate professor in the University of Rochester Department Of Clinical and Social Sciences in Psychology and a co-author of the study. "While there is no association between hearing problems and autism, difficulty in processing speech may contribute to some of the core symptoms of the disease. Early detection could help identify risk for ASD and enable clinicians to intervene earlier. Additionally, these findings can inform the development of approaches to correct auditory impairment with hearing aids or other devices that can improve the range of sounds the ear can process."

Because the test is non-invasive, inexpensive, and does not require the subject to respond verbally, this technique could be adapted to screen infants, an approach that the team is currently exploring.

From: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/07/160725221849.htm